I'm gonna have a badass scar
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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