my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
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