Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
