she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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