so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
