i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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