The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
jump out the window naked night went bad
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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