mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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