Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
