the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
