So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the day after is always just damage control
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
