I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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