no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
