I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
