He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
