It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
