He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize