Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
