Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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