I am spending my child support on dildos
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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