ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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