I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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