I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
