I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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