then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize