Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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