I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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