You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
