dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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