I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
