OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Your cock deserves a montage
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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