bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
