he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize