I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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