I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize