just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
