So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
