You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
