first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
