my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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