he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
