Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
