Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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