fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
