I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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