i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
