Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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