found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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