Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
