does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
