my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
