My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
