he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
