I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
