So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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