no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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