Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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