Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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