You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
