Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
