He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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