You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
