remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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