The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize