So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
