I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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