I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
