I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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