so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
