i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize