and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
