He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
