I faked an abortion last night.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
