I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
