if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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