I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
