If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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