I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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