She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
