Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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