Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This baby is an asshole
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
