spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
