so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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