I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
