Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
NoShamevember. You game?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
