last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
