We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The adults are the big ones right?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
