I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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