I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
