somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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