Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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