It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
