all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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