I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
